December 2010 archive

Medication Free is the Way to Be.

My therapist recommended that I see a psychiatrist to possibly start medication for my severe depression/anxiety. I’ve always been anti-medication, but I thought I’d go ahead and see him and see what he had to say.

The doctor was super nice and made me feel really comfortable. While I was there something took over me and I starting sobbing uncontrollably. It was all a bit overwhelming at first. I felt like I had a sort of out of body experience, I could feel my subconscious thinking, “Has it really gotten this bad? Are you really here?”

Depression is a weird thing. I’m sure most people who know and talk to me on a daily basis would never even guess. But when I go home, the clouds get darker and the tears start flowing. It’s just this overwhelming feeling of sadness and low self worth. I’ve had numerous breakdowns and the anxiety attacks are becoming more and more frequent.

After many many questions, the doctor recommended Wellbutrin. Low side effects and no weight gain (plus?). He explained it wouldn’t fix the problems causing the depression and anxiety of course, but it would make me feel well enough to actually be a ‘normal’ human being. He also told me that if I wasn’t comfortable taking the medication, then I wouldn’t have to. I took the prescription and put it in my purse.

And I’ve been staring at it ever since. It’s been over a week. I’ve read the reviews, the side effects and all the articles about the medication over and over again. I’ve decided to not take it.

Why? Well, first things first, I know nothing is wrong with anti-depressants, lots of people take them. But something just doesn’t sit right with me about it. I just honestly don’t feel comfortable taking them. I feel like this is something I can do holistically and naturally. So how in the world am I suppose to beat this demon? How am I supposed to get motivated enough to work out and to work on the blog and find time for friends?

Well first things first, I know I need to take the time and actually reflect on my life. All day, I am constantly being bombarded with calls, emails, blogs, etc. etc. etc. It’s so hard to focus. When I get home, I do the same things I did at work. It’s increasingly overwhelming and I know if I took some time to myself everyday to just breathe and focus on what really matters, I’d be better off and much happier.

Something that really helped me was Eckhart Tolle and Dr. Srikumar Rao. If you haven’t seen Dr. Rao’s TED talk about happiness, please watch it here. This video really touched me when I first watched it; I even teared up a little bit. It’s extremely powerful and one of the main reasons I decided to not take medication. He touches on how to be truly happy and how we need to get rid of using the ‘If-Then Model’, ex: If I had a better job, I’d be happy, If I had that nice car, I’d be happy, If I had a body like Kim Kardashian, I’d be happy, etc. In reality, we don’t need any of these things. We have everything we need to be happy within ourselves.

I already feel happier.

“The only danger in life is hopelessness, never give up” – Unknown

Work? Office? Pssshhhhhh!

I’m ready to let go of this office life and get moving in my life. I’m ready to be happy and get my life together and LIVE.

I’ve been stuck in this office for TOO long, 8, sometimes 9, hours a day, attending pointless meetings, and refreshing Perez Hilton more times than I can count. It’s time that I make this happen for myself.

I’ve been suffering from depression for the past few months now. It’s that weird after college transition. Some people might even call it a “Quarterlife crisis”. I call it the “now what”? I’ve gone to high school, graduated, went to college, graduated. Got a really good job in the field I THOUGHT I wanted to be in. Now I realize that this isn’t the life for me. I’m 24, and I deserve to do what I want to do and not be trapped. Now what?

I thought I wanted to be a talent agent, hobnobbing with the stars and walking red carpets, having actors thank ME at the Oscars. Slowly but surely I realized this is the LAST possible thing I want to do. Actors are terrible people (sorry actors who read this), agents are bitchy, and it requires being stuck in an office under florescent lights and no windows for over 8 hours a day. No. Ma’am.

I researched and poured over blogs for hours on end. I found a group of people who like to call themselves “Location Independent”. This group of people have their own business and are able to generate income without being tied down to a desk at an office job. Chris Guillebeau, Jenny, Stephanie, Nina Yau, Sean Ogle, the list goes on and on and on. Besides all of these people being bad ass, they all share the same sentiment that I do. It’s time to do what I want to do.

So what is it that I do want to do? Well, I know that I’m not down with the whole deferred living thing. You know, work for 30 years, retire, and THEN go do the things you want to do. What the hell kind of deal is that? How about I do the things I want to do NOW, while I’m young and awesome?

That’s basically what this blog is about. My journey to minimize my life and save money, restore my happiness and travel the world. It’s gonna be an epic awesome adventure, and I hope you will come along with me!