I logged on to my Facebook today to find ANOTHER one of my friends relationship status changed to “Engaged”. I think this brings the total to 13 or 14 people from college alone. I’m sure about 90% of my friends from high school are all married and having children.
What’s the big rush?
I do get it. You fall in love with someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them. Perfect, great, fantastic! I’m in that situation now. I’m pretty sure that Johnny and I will be together until the end of time.
But honestly, it was one of the biggest things that spurred my quarterlife crisis. All of my friends were getting married, starting careers and having adorable children. I started getting family Christmas cards from friends in high school. The “engaged” status was showing up more frequently. I thought that it was something I was supposed to be doing too. Johnny always told me we were way too young to be thinking of “stuff like that”. It made me upset. I wanted to be one of the cool, married kids like all the rest of my friends.
I’ve learned that marriage is not what I want at at this point in my life. The whole marriage thing to me is more about fitting in, wanting to be a part of the “married” club with the rest of my friends. I’ve realized that marriage is something that will come when Johnny and I are both ready for it to happen, even if it is 10 years from now. There’s a quote that’s something along the lines of “All of my friends are getting married, and I’m getting drunk!”. While the getting drunk part is very true ( 
), Johnny and I have also made the decision to do the unconventional and go to Thailand.
This decision, while not typical, is the best one for Johnny and I right now. We both have been starving for something more than the life path most people choose to take. He and I get more excited everyday!
There is nothing wrong with being married. And of course I know married couples travel all the time and they aren’t all tied down to their jobs. I just feel that 24 for me is WAY too young to do things like pay bills together and be a Mrs. So and So. The Sagittarius in me is pretty selfish and is not willing to share everything just yet. Just thinking about it makes me anxious! I always think about it this way: Once you get married, you and your husband begin a new life together. You share everything. Mommy and Daddy aren’t legally responsible for you anymore. If I was married, and heaven forbid, I got into a car accident and ended up in a coma, my husband would be the one to make the decision to take me off life support. WHAT?! That’s a pretty scary thought for me. Not to mention divorce is expensive as hell. If and when I ever get married, it’s for life baby!
Besides, I’m not ashamed to admit I still have a few years of partying still left in me. I need to get it all out of my system before I even think about a ring and bearing a child.
Thai whiskey anyone?!
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Marriage is overrated :p It’s like having kids (I guess), you know when you’re ready. I’ll share the Thai Whiskey with you, and Jack might tag along as well
Awww! JACK!!!! He sends his love your way. And I agree, marriage is overrated. Thai whiskeys for all!!!!
Remember what Elizabeth Gilbert says in Committed: people who get married after the age of 26 stand a much higher chance of sticking together than those who get married earlier.
“I wanted to be one of the cool, married kids like all the rest of my friends.” — I love this. I think it wraps up exactly why a lot of people get married. Somebody once said to me, “Getting married is like a game of musical chairs: when the music stops, you just sit down with the person closest to you.”
I don’t think so. The music doesn’t stop until your dead. Keep dancing, I say. Marriage should never be a desperate act to secure a chair (in case you end up chair-less and bereft), it should only be about love. But if you really love someone and they love you back, is marriage necessary at all??
Girl…You’ve hit the nail on the head. I’ve seriously debated even getting married in the first place. I know that Johnny and I are madly in love with each other…do we really need a piece of paper to say so?
24 is waaaaaaaay too young!!! Go to Thailand, don’t think twice about not being married!
Girl, you’d be surprised at how many of my friends have already been married 2, 3 even 4 years. It’s crazy!!!
Loved this post. When I was 25 all my friends were getting married while I was living in Thailand. 10 years later, I’m still not married (but engaged to an amazing German man who loves to travel as much as I do). Most of my friends that got married young seem envious since I’ve had more freedom. I’m definitely pro marriage as well and look forward to being married, but I agree there’s no rush and it’s worth taking the time to see what kind of live you really want first.
Exactly! There is definitely no rush for me. I’m trying to get my life together first before I start thinking about spending it with someone else!
Amen to this post! All of my friends/acquaintances except for a few (less than 5) are engaged, married and or having kids. And sadly for some of them, they just settled for the sake of being married before age X. Congrats and more power to them, but I love my life and my freedom. Glad to see you make a decision for you first, which I think a lot of women seem to neglect!
I agree 100%. Marriage is a relatively new idea in our evolution. It began as spiritual ritual. And if you study religious sociology, you learn that these ritual, through time, come and go as societies change. No matter what you believe, the truth of the matter is that we’re all still animals and the idea of marriage (and monogamy) is a man-made creation. Even as early 60 years ago (and currently in some areas) unions were prearranged based on family status and class. “Love” had nothing to do with it. What has followed is a Hollywood-created pipedream fueled by Jennifer Aniston and J-Lo that makes people feel like they HAVE to get married, or else there’s something wrong with them. They settle, then they divorce. Thus becoming another stereotype.
Live life YOUR way. Don’t legally tie yourself to anyone. If you’re happy together, great. Be together. And you can do so without signing your individuality away to the state or church. I’ve never understood why people look to marriage to justify their relationship. It’s possible to care for another person without walking down the aisle.
Anyway, good blog.
Thanks Chris! I totally agree with you. As a girl, I’ve always dreamed about the white dress and the flowers and the open bars (LOL), but I’ve realized its always more about the ceremony itself. People fail to realize that after the glitz and glamour of the wedding is gone, you’re stuck with this person. Like I said in the post, it completely freaks me out to know that once you’re married, your partner is responsible for you. That person makes all the important decisions in your life.
Today I had someone tell me I should be careful/worried since my BF is “dragging his feet” about marrying me. I had to tell them that I’m MUCH too young to even think about marriage. I don’t even have my fucking life together, let alone trying to deal with being married and dealing with my life. Hottest mess. I’m perfectly happy with him just the way we are.
As someone who actually did get married too young I can totally relate to this post. Only now that I’m single again am I able to enjoy travelling and all of the things that I now realise I was missing out on earlier. There’s never any rush to do anything – take your time, enjoy your life together and just see what happens. Don’t ever put pressure on yourself to do anything, you will only end up unhappy. Enjoy Thailand!
I completely agree with you. (Wow – I can’t believe how much I relate to what you’re saying on this blog. Love it.
) I’m 24 and don’t feel ready for marriage and children at all. In fact, that’s why I’m single. I was with the love of my life – He wanted to settle down, get married and think about a family because he’d achieved his career and done the travelling thing. I still had so much I wanted to do and, in the end, we knew that would get in the way and had to part ways. The funny thing is that I always see my friends with engaged statuses pop up too – One of my oldest friends (we’ve known each other since we were 3) is my age – She has been married, has a 3-year-old son, and has been divorced! That’s a whole lot of experience for a young age!