March 2011

Musings from a Happy Girl

by Sheryll on March 30, 2011

Photo%2041 Musings from a Happy Girl

My hair is awesome. That is all.

I took this picture of me just now at work. A real, genuine smile. I’ve also lost weight in my face, so it’s wins all around!

Since the news of my month long break, I’ve been walking on clouds. My workouts have been easier. I don’t have a cloud of dread covering me daily. I actually care what I look like. I’ve been wearing my heels again, and waking up early to do my makeup. I’m starting to feel like the glamorous girl I once was. Plus, my hair has been SUPER fabulous lately. Life is always better when you constantly hair good hair days.

Now that it’s basically April, there’s only 4 to 5 months until I leave for Argentina. Time to buckle down on the spending and kick the saving into high gear. I’ve been drinking Malbec by the boatloads in preparation (this is where BevMo’s sale came in handy).

Johnny comes back tonight. It’s been a long ass 2 weeks. I’m so excited I can barely contain it. Our favorite show, The Ultimate Fighter, starts its new season tonight too. Nothing like watching hot, sweaty men wrestle around for an hour.

…And perhaps I shall engage in some hot, sweaty wrestling of my own. bowchicawowow.

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So Happy I Could Die

by Sheryll on March 29, 2011

Well…not really die, but it’s my favorite Lady Gaga song, and an appropriate title for how I feel right now.

So as you may know, if you’ve been following this whole debacle of my life, my job isn’t going to give me a raise. Sad and defeated, I had one last meeting with them. For the last time, I laid everything out on the line. In between tears, I blurted, “I just need a break! I just need a month off to get it together. I haven’t had a break in over 2 years since I graduated college.”

As soon as the words flew out of my mouth, I just knew I had made a mistake. They weren’t going to give me a raise, how in the world would they give me a month off from work? The next words completely stunned me.

“You know what….that isn’t such a bad idea.”

WHAT?! Once I caught my breath, I looked at my bosses with wide eyes. They couldn’t be serious right? They told me they were going to talk it over, talk over all of the logistics and get back to me. Elated at the possibility I might get a month off from work, I skipped back to my desk and started dreaming up all of the things I could get done with a month off.

Yesterday, they brought me in to another meeting. I just thought they were going to deny my request, but they didn’t. They gave me a month off of work! A WHOLE MONTH. I don’t even know what to do with myself. I haven’t had a break since college. After I graduated, I moved to LA a week later, a week after that I found my first job, and it’s just gone downhill from there.

And it’s happening fast. My last day of work is this Friday. AHHHH!!!!!!! I just can’t even explain in words how happy I am. More than getting a break, I’m going to actually get healthy. My mental well being has completely suffered completely since I’ve been working at this desk. When you sit in front of a computer for 9 hours a day, it’s really hard to get your life together and figure out what you need to do or what you want to do. I can’t wait to get away and actually have free time, time to explore, time to play, learn, love and enjoy life. And of course, I’ll throw in some delicious traveling along the way. I want to go to Santa Barbara, Arizona, Las Vegas (before it’s a million degrees and completely unbearable).

Of course, they’ve told me if I don’t come back after this month, there won’t be any hard feelings. Who knows? After this month off, I could come back completely refreshed and looking at this industry with new eyes. But I have an inkling I won’t be making my way back, but instead beginning a new journey in my life. A new step, a new direction. I already feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

I don’t know where the wind will blow me next, but I’m excited to start the ride.

I’m almost free.

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Wanderlust

by Sheryll on March 28, 2011

Wanderlust – noun

a strong, innate desire to rove or travel about.

I’ve always loved the word Wanderlust. Besides it obviously being in the title of my blog, something about the word is beautiful and slightly mysterious. It perfectly describes a characteristic of mine, being a super sexy Sagittarius.

As you might know, the Sagittarius is known for having restless energy and the strong desire to always travel, whether it’s for pleasure or as a way to escape. Describes me perfectly right?

Lately, I’ve been craving some sort of change. Since this trip to Argentina seems a million years away at this point, I’ve been toying with different ideas to break myself out of the rut I’m going through. I’ve thought of dying my hair blonde, getting my lashes done like Kim Kardashian, and getting a tattoo.

I’ve always wanted a tattoo. But I’ve never felt passionately enough about something that I’d want to keep it on my body for the rest of my life. Not to mention the fact that I hate needles more than anything and my pain tolerance is about 0. But it’s something I’ve always wanted to do.

And the word Wanderlust is perfect. It’s something that I feel I’ll always be passionate about. Not to mention the above picture completely sold me. Wrist tattoos are easily covered if need be, and it’s like a personal reminder to myself at all times.

Maybe I’ll conquer my fear of needles once and for all.

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Weekly Inspiration Round Up

by Sheryll on March 25, 2011

Time for my Weekly Inspiration Round Up! This week has been all about Spring for me. Spring symbolizes new growth, rebirth, sun, and green grass. It’s been gross and rainy in LA all week, and I’ve been longing to wear pretty floral skirts, sandals, and have a picnic in the park with some rosé wine.

Here’s hoping this Spring clears the fog out of my life and lets me begin new. Planning for Argentina has been going great, and I’m planning on taking some day trips to Santa Barbara and San Diego again soon. And Johnny comes home next week, FINALLY!

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The Universe Works in Mysterious Ways

by Sheryll on March 23, 2011

If you read last night, I had a breakdown. I needed to write about it, get it out of me and then try to move on. This morning has been better (no anxiety, yay!) and my Johnny comes home in a week. Everyone has their ups and downs, right? I feel like I just needed a good, healthy cry.

Working through my morning routine, I stumbled upon a quote on someone’s Tumblr that shook me to the core. It made me re-think everything I felt bad about last night and put things in perspective for me.

The Dalai Lama, when asked about the most surprising thing in Humanity said:

“Man.

Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.

Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.

And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present;

the result being that he does not live in the present or the future;

he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

It’s almost as if someone directly put this in my life to read today. So whoever in the universe is responsible for this, thank you.

In other news, I think I found a super cute apartment in Buenos Aires a little more in my price range

apt03253 The Universe Works in Mysterious Ways

I love it, especially that balcony! And it’s not $5000 a month! Score.

apt03253 The Universe Works in Mysterious Ways

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When Life Hands You Lemons

by Sheryll on March 23, 2011

and boy oh boy has life been just catapulting them at me.

I sit here with tears rolling down my cheeks, hardly able to type.

The last few days have been just one downward spiral. Starting with work.

If you’ve been following along on the journey, you know I’ve been going back and forth in meetings at work regarding a raise. First they wanted to give me WAY more responsibility, then wait three months to maybe pay me more if it worked out. No. I told them that didn’t make any sense. I wasn’t going to do more work for the same pay and then maybe not even get paid more in the end. It doesn’t work like that.

I felt pretty good about standing up for myself, YET again. I thought for sure that after all of this time, they were finally going to cave in. No.

In so many words, they said I had three options. 1. Working on moving up in the company (no.) 2. Taking advantage of the Bonus program they’ve implemented (which would give me an extra $300/400 every 3 months. no.) 3. Or find another job. They aren’t going to pay me more at my current position, and they’re not budging. Doesn’t matter how long I’ve worked or how good I am at the job. No raise at all.

Needless to say, I was crushed. Moving up in the agency isn’t what I want to do and getting a bonus every three months is okay and all, but it doesn’t solve the problem. After this news, my life just took a tailspin. Going in to work everyday knowing I’m never getting paid more nor do they really care has taken a toll on my morale. I don’t even want to go to work. Every morning I wake up with anxiety so intense I debate calling out. When I am at work, I can’t focus on anything travel related or any of my passions. Lately I’ve just been watching movies on Netflix to keep my mind off of everything else. At least they haven’t fired me.

I cry. I cry a lot. I eat. and I eat a lot. Emotional eating at its finest. Nothing is more comforting than a double cheeseburger and fries with a shake. Since Johnny isn’t here, it’s the best I can do at making me feel a little better. And that makes me feel even worse because I’m trying to lose weight. Then I feel guilty. Then the cycle begins again.

I need to get away, and I get to get away now. Yes, I know I’m planning my big trip to Argentina, but August is too far away. I feel like I might completely lose it by then.

I know I need to find another job, but I can’t even get motivated enough to do that. I don’t even know what I want to do, let alone apply for it.

Depression at its best, right? I can’t seem to shake it. The blog has suffered because I just don’t feel motivated to write anything at all. I don’t feel anything, actually. And it’s a weird feeling. I have passions, many, many, passions. But I just can’t seem to muster up enough….enough of anything to do something about it. I KNOW what I need to do, I have lists and goals and planners and journals and all these things. But I just…I just can’t do it. I so desperately wish I could. Anything to get myself out of this rut.

Maybe I do need to get on antidepressants after all.

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