Americans are fat.
The French are skinny.
As I read blogs about life in France, Korea, or anywhere other than America for that matter, one topic seems to keep coming up. Women and body image. “How do the French stay so skinny?!” “Why are Americans so overweight?”. It makes me sad. Because according to stereotypical standards, I, at 5’0 and 140lbs, am practically obese.
This post has been on my mind for weeks now. I just didn’t know how to approach it…or how to write about such a sensitive subject. But at some point I just had to make the plunge.
Most people wouldn’t guess that I weigh 140lbs (this is attributed to too much junk in the trunk). But every time I step on the scale at the gym, that number haunts me. What are all of those Parisian girls going to think of me? Will they snicker? Will I even fit into anything in Europe? Then starts the wave of guilt, the shame of gaining over 40lbs in the course of a few months.
When I was in college, I was confidence personified. I knew I was the baddest bitch. I got into clubs for free, one bat of the eyelashes and free drinks were sent my way. I could wear anything I wanted. I knew I was smart, funny, and fabulous. The world was mine. What’s the difference now?
Suffering from depression and emotional eating caused a weight gain that not only affected my physical weight, but my mental one as well. My confidence plummeted. I was no longer the girl who could light up the room. I traded my heels and skirts for sweats and baggy shirts. I didn’t feel good about myself at all. After going to a therapist and finally getting my life in order, I started to work out again. I lost 12lbs and regained some of my confidence back. Then I booked my ticket to Europe, and the pressure to be thin was bigger than ever. It was about being thin for Paris, being thin for London, not wanting to be thought of as the “fat American”.
As a woman who has been trying to lose weight for almost the past year, I’ve realized that I’ve been going about the process completely wrong. I’ve been focusing on how I’ll be perceived in other countries, what people will think about me. I haven’t been trying to lose the weight for ME. It’s not about the stereotypes, or the preconceived notions of what French women look like, or what they will think of me as an American.
Women, in all countries, cities, provinces, towns, islands, come in different shapes and sizes. There is no country where every single woman is a perfect, long legged, size 2. And there never will be. Women have short legs, long torsos, big feet, small waists, big hips, round bellies, skinny legs, and everything in between. All sizes are beautiful, despite what the media wants us to believe. One of the hottest models out right now is the GORGEOUS Tara Lynn. In the April 2010 French Elle magazine, she was not only given her own 20 page spread of French Elle, but
the cover as well. It’s sort of sad that’s so groundbreaking in this day and age, but at least there are magazines willing to put non-stereotypical models on the cover.
So yes, I do still have a weight loss goal. And yes, I do still work out daily and eat balanced meals. But I’m doing it for me and my health. In reality, my BMI is too high, and I do want to be the healthiest me possible. Plus working out and eating right just make me feel great.
Be confident. Travel and be bold. Make eye contact and flip your hair. And do it for you.
You, and I, owe it to ourselves.
photos via Elle France
{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }
At least you had drinks bought for you. I’ve had one. It happened last year by a 6’3″ cowboy in a button up Texas shirt named Terry. We danced two step to a swing song. I did it for the humor factor.
I’m 5’4″ and 156 lbs (I may be getting tinier but the weight stays the same). It is just how my body likes to be. Even after traveling. I weighed 105 lbs in college, until I gained my woman body. But you know what? I’ve accepted it at this point. I made it down to 137 with a personal trainer and I couldn’t eat ANYTHING. I no longer enjoyed life. I like to eat. It is part of my social life. It is part of my personality.
Embrace it girlie. I think you were fabulous then. I think your phenomenal now. Who cares what they think? I was still able to find my size in fashion stores in London. Obviously there is a need to “fill” those clothes!
Thank you so much Erica. I totally know what you mean about having a trainer and not eating. In college, I lived off of chicken, oatmeal and spinach for forever. Not a very fun life.
I love to eat. Like you said, food is very much a part of my social life, and the one thing I look forward too most when I travel. I’m not going to let these people stop me!
I think no matter how much you weigh if you have confidence and can WORK IT then you can be totally hot! And being healthy is much more important than being thin — take it from me. I had an eating disorder for about 6 months, caused by anxiety. But unlike you, instead of eating loads, I stopped eating entirely. I was living on one apple a day. And I was SCARILY thin.
Just be you – you’re gorgeous!
You are amazing Lauren. Thank you so much.
I totally understand where you are coming from… I think LA brings it on! Be fabulous- you are going to tone up by walking everywhere you won’t even have to think about it!!
LA DEFINITELY brings it on. There’s such pressure here to be thin….always.
And I’m hoping my apartment in Paris is on like 7th floor or something so I can walk up and down and get calves of steel
lol!
I think what the French have more than Americans isn’t a certain body type: it’s a certain confidence. They are confident in themselves and they are stylish because they know how to dress THEIR body. If a trend won’t look good on them, they simply won’t wear it. As someone who is fairly “skinny” even I don’t have the right body in France! I’ve been told in France that I’m too skinny, too athletic–they like their women to be a bit softer, to have a few curves! The one thing I’ve found traveling and living among the French is that I always feel my best when when I’ve made the effort to look my best–when I’ve taken the extra moment to put together an outfit or put on a hint of makeup–I think they think Americans are lazier more than anything. Aaaaand your cute American accent will do plenty to get you free drinks, no worries
Spot on, Christine. There’s totally a confidence in French women that is part of the reason France is so beautiful.
Dressing for your body type is the easiest way to look awesome at all times. It instantly makes you feel good. And a little effort goes a LONG way for sure.
Glad you wrote this–it’s an important subject–and I admire you for doing so. It struck a chord for me, too, because of the time I spent living in Spain (Barcelona) where I had some experience with what you’ve mentioned. (PS:: I discovered that a good number of my thin friends there smoked cigarettes to keep their metabolism down–something I would not do. ) When I lived In South America, where people are curvier, I “fit in” and felt more comfortable. I’ve also been to a country or two where I was considered slightly thin.
True–it’s different everywhere and everyone does come in different sizes and shapes. In the end, I hope/think it’s about the real connection made one on one versus society to society (based on stereotypes)–at least, I hope so.
Anyway, I think your attitude is just right–doing it (losing weight) for you is the key. Also, I’m not sure how long you’ll be in Europe for, but as far as I know, you’re not going to be there forever, which makes the situation easier. Also, I wouldn’t care what the French or others might think re: American stereotypes re: size.. Those thinking too much and///talking about it would be, in my opinion, a bit superficial and perhaps not people you’d want to befriend anyway. If you do make friends there, I’d hope they’d talk about/care about other things. One thing I might suggest is making sure you know a lot about France, Europe and world politics (which I have a feeling you do). That, combined with being real and being yourself (which you are–and which is why people enjoy reading your blog, by the way!), should allow you to connect with the people there and make your experience as authentic and enjoyable as possible!
You know what? Don’t believe the hype. Not all French women are thin. There are still a lot of fat people there. The ones who are skinny eat nothing. And I mean nothing. It isn’t possible to live in a country with that much white bread, butter sauces, croissants and pastries and stay like a stick. So I’d much rather be considered “big”! But seriously, women in every country in the world worry about their weight. It isn’t just the UK or America, but unfortunately there are some snobby people out there that believe the stereotypes (and sadly France is a one of these culprits). If you want to lose weight, do it for you and your health and happiness, don’t ever do it because of how you feel other people are perceiving you. You’d be surprised how positive other peoples’ perception of you actually is!
Thank you Julia. You are AWESOME.
There’s a book called “Stuff Parisians Like”, and a lot of the main digs were towards women. “Parisian women would never order a hamburger.” “Parisian women never drink, too many calories.” Of course, the book is written by a Parisian and is total satire…but still. It’s crazy those types of stereotypes exist in the first place.
Girl, don’t worry about what the British or French will think of you! You’ll never see them again! instead of worrying about numbers on a scale, just worry about being happy and the rest will fall into place. Plus, you remember how much more walking you tend to do while in Europe, right? See! Nothing to worry about!
Thank you Christine! Totally right! I plan on walking everyyywhere. And renting bikes. When I studied abroad in London, my legs got SO toned from all the walking and climbing up stairs to my flat. Crossing my fingers for the same luck this time.
This is a very introspective post, but I don’t think that you’ll have any issues at all as you’re so darn cute…. As another poster said above, I think the main difference between Americans/Canadians and French/Europeans is moreso related to style (and knowing how to dress for one’s body) rather than weight. Americans/Canadians tend to dress according to trends, regardless of whether or not it suits their body type. When I lived in France I noticed that Frenchwomen had a more classic, timeless style. I haven’t lived in North american for a while, but every time I come home for a visit I’m appalled by this “Kim Kardashian” style of makeup and dressing.
I spent two years living in Hong Kong and can say that the average Chinese woman is wayyy smaller than the typical Western female, and though I am considered slim I always felt huge when shopping alongside my Asian counterparts.
awww, thank you Oneika! That really means a lot.
And you’re totally right about N. American culture. People here just wear whatever is in style, not what looks good on them. Example: When the high waist trousers were a thing…I so desperately wanted a pair. But I’m 5’0 tall. High waist anything is going to make me look insane. So I just stuck with what I look good in.
I really like this post. When I was in Asia, particularly China, I felt gigantic. Not only was I a foot taller than most of the girls I was much, much curvier. I remember going to buy a sweatshirt and the only size I could fit into was a men’s large. I know that’s just because the chinese have a different body type, but it does kind of mess with your head after awhile.
The funny thing is that while I was there, many girls commented jealously on my blonde hair, light skin and big boobs. I think it’s a grass is always greener kind of thing, and it’s also a pretty big shame that nobody is really happy with their body, anywhere.
Thank you Steph!
Oh Asia. I read a blog about teaching in Korea that actually discouraged women larger than a size 6/8 to not apply to teach as they might be uncomfortable and not find anything to wear.
So absurd. And at the same time, I totally know what you mean. And no, I don’t think there’s anywhere, or anyone that is completely happy with their body. There’s always “well I wish my thighs were smaller, I wish my torso was shorter.” etc. etc. I’m learning to embrace my body, step by step.
Weight loss for anything other than genuine reason is risky. But if you’re fitter, healthier you’ll have more energy to travel and enjoy your adventures. I think that’s a good focus. A friend of mine went on a RTW with her family the other year and lost a lot of weight on the trip just through sheer walking everywhere!
Plus, if you get yourself to your healthy goal weight, your clothes are smaller, which means more room in your bag for shopping in a new country!!
I totally like the way you think, Vanessa!
Ummm I guess you haven’t been to the Netherlands… yeah every women there is perfect… lol I am jk with you.. but it did seem that way when I was there. I would watch them cycle with 3 kids on the bike one in front and two in the back… just insane
Okay so about your post… seems like just a minute ago (yesterday) we were talking about me being insecure. It’s for this reason exactly… I wanted to share it on twitter, but I kept it to my self. I feel like what women go through about beng fit and in weight is what gay men go through as well. In every poster, magazine, ad or anything the gay man is beautiful with a six pack and just beautiful. I don’t fit that category at all. I’m just average… I know I could get that body, but I am too fucking lazy and just never gonna get it. I know I am good looking and cute and adorable, but I let my insecurities hold me back when I am meeting men. I don’t know why but I just do. I know its horrible but I can’t help it.
As for you I am sorry you have gone through all that… I know you would tell me the same, but for real you are a beautiful women don’t worry about what others will say. Ahh yes easier said then done.
Funny I read this now because my Music Monday post is about a girl who felt the same pressure you felt on fitting in with weight that she almost killed her self. I won’t tell you who it is, Ill let you check it out on Monday… be sure you listen to the song and then see the open letter she made for her fans. Oh it’s not Kelly Clarkson btw. Speaking of my girl though… she is one of the few artist that has been hounded about her weight her entire career… she was fit to shit at the peak of her career and ever since then has been expected to stay that way. She is proud of who she is and has told them media to fuck off… “I am thick and have junk in my trunk”. That is also why I love Kelly so much… she doesnt care… she is going to do what she loves and do it at her best. Kinda like we are doing…
Jaime, you are just the best. Thank you so much for your comment.
I think we all need to embrace every part of us flaws and all. You ARE good looking and cute, and just because you maybe not have the body of an Armani underwear poster doesn’t mean anything. I’m slowly learning to realize I have more to offer than just my looks. I’m also smart, I’m also funny, and I’m also great at conversations. Those are skills unfortunately a lot of people don’t have. So you get out there and you flirt! You’re personality is bigger and more important than ANYTHING. Some of the “hottest” guys are also some of the biggest assholes.
PS I secretly love Kelly Clarkson more than anything.
You’re so awesome Sheryll!! Way to go writing about topics that really matter and clearly have an effect on nearly every woman. Everyone here has made good points, the key is confidence. I think that what Christine has said about laziness is a huge factor in a number of ways, including the simple act of putting together an outfit!
At my college, everyone wore sweats all day to classes and never cared–then we went out drinking at night. Two things that dropped our confidence and increased our weight. Yet, there was always pressure to look a certain way. I was bigger in college than at any other time in my life.
I find that I tend to lose weight when I’m simply living life. More than anything, I’m too busy to notice if I’m thin or not and with the stress and pressure of being thin off my mind, I tend to fall to a natural weight!
I love food far too much to ever let myself give it up, and in Europe the food is too fabulous and you better believe that those French women love their food as well! Just be confident in yourself and if you’re feeling bad one day, walk somewhere, you’ll see something beautiful and feel better about yourself! There are so many more important things in life than weight–especially things like food and wine!
Thank you Annie…it really means SO much!!!
“I find that I tend to lose weight when I’m simply living life.” < I love this. I think that this, in addition to having confidence are such key points. I think once I finally start traveling and things fall into place, that I'll gravitate back down to my natural weight. The past year has been the most stressful of my life. And like you, I love food way too much, and you better believe I'm definitely going to indulge a bit while I'm in Europe. And like you said, life is too short to worry about weight all the time.
Yes, do it for yourself, that’s the only thing that should be in the forefront of your mind. Nothing else. Perceptions are just that, perceptions. What matters is how confident you are. And that is sexy! Coming from a male’s perspective, I am all over the confidence attitude…Just turns me on, and of course a nice smile gets me knees buckling
As I was reading this post, one incredibly beautiful blogger came to mind:
http://www.leblogdebigbeauty.com/
She’ll blows all stereotypes about typical French beauty out of your memory
she is AMAZING. thank you, thank you, thank you!
Hun, I’ve been going through exactly the same thing as you. Then again my body image has been all out of whack since I started developing boobs so I’m not the perfect person to listen to. I’m spending a month on the Riviera Maya in beautiful sunshine on white sandy beaches before I head to Mexico City and all I was scared of was wearing skimpy little outfits with my body looking the way it did.
I did lose a bit of weight and I do feel more confident but I know I’m not a skinny girl – I’ll always be curvaceous but at least now I’m happy. But if there’s anything I learned it was that there definitely is no perfect weight or size.
And, hun, as a European, I can promise you one thing – You will not be too big for Europe. You WON’T. For one thing, the average UK dress size is a size 16 (US Size 14) and I’ve seen pictures of you, hun – you’re stunning.
Believe me, you’re going to be so excited and distracted by everything British, Parisian, Italian … you’re not even going to think about your body.
I ALWAYS lose weight when I go to Europe because I end up walking EVERYWHERE!!!! Seriously, though.
But why fret about this? You brought up good points about your personality. That will shine through to the people that matter. The rest are superficial bitches that you don’t need to hang out with anyway
AMEN GIRL!
You know, I never really thought about this before traveling to Europe, but in the Netherlands, most of the girls are pretty perfectly sized (as someone else pointed out above!) Of course, then that just gives me ammunition to blame our city planners in North America for not building bike lanes.
I honestly can’t even tell you my weight because I haven’t stepped on a scale in two years. Probably a good thing, because with a torn achilles tendon in the last year, it hasn’t gone anywhere but up. I’m most definitely at my “largest” weight ever.
But you know what? I don’t care.
The odd time in the Netherlands, I did feel out of place (mostly because of the fact that my backpacker clothes don’t really fit in!), but I really never let it get me down. The people that will look beyond my size or shape and find the fabulous person I really am are the ONLY ones that I care about anyways. I have a hubby who loves me no matter what. I enjoy eating good food and tasting all the beers in Belgium. I’m not lazy – I like to cycle and hike (when my ankle is up to it!) I will never have a slim figure for so many reasons (genetics included), and I am VERY okay with that.
As we all should be.
(Well done on this post Sheryll, very happy that you put it all out there!)
Thank you SO much Dalene.
I love this comment so much. It’s true, the people that look beyond the shape/size of someone are the type of people I want to be friends with anyway. And Johnny DOES love me no matter what. And being able to eat and drink and play as much as I want is part of the reason why I’m taking this trip. It’s time for me to indulge! And damnit, I plan on doing it.
PS. I’ve seen pictures of you and you are BEAUTIFUL!!! Thank you so much again for your kind comment. It made my day.
I’ve lived in Asia for 5 years and rather than becoming more critical of myself and my body I’ve become less. In the States, if I saw a much thinner, fitter woman, I would think, “I should look like that.” In Asia, almost all the women I am surrounded by are thinner (if not fitter — in China, I’ve learned, it’s not considered “feminine” to have muscles and a lot of women don’t work out for that reason… or, at least, they stay far away from the weight section of the gym). But I already don’t fit in, so this is just one more way I don’t fit in. And even if I did diet and lose scads of weight, I still wouldn’t fit in. So I just let myself be a freak. (A freak who enjoys her occasional snack binge and doesn’t feel so bad about it!)
I love this comment. Love love love love love. Thank you so much. You totally hit it on the head with “I already don’t fit in”. SO true. Especially when I move to Korea.
I am a fat woman who lives in Germany, I also have travelled all over the world. I weight 280lbs, I am black, I have dreadlocks and I am an American. I’m different.
The reactions from Germans is interesting, I get a lot of stares and pointing. I never know if people stare at me because of my size, my race, my beauty or a combination of all three. I get more attention when I feel the best about myself. Confidence really draws people’s attention. When you are an overweight woman not kicking rocks all the time or putting yourself down, it’s almost like people do not know how to recieve you.
first off, your blog is amazing. I’ve spent a few hours already reading. Thank you so much for commenting, you are SUPER super super fabulous. And your comment = the best. thank you.
Ahhh, body image. It stays with a woman her whole life and can change by the minute. I honestly think accepting yourself gets easier as you get older. I have been the same weight, give some college weight gain, since I was 15. It’s a healthy weight BMI-wise, but I’m also a bit curvy. I used to worry all the time about how I looked — I was a dancer until age 18 and nearly everyone else around me was super-skinny while I had (and still have) a butt that could be in the Sir Mix-a-Lot video, haha. I find that with healthy eating — NOT dieting — and some exercise every now and again, it is pretty easy to maintain my healthy size. Doing what you need to do for you is OK, but never forget the joys of occasional indulgence and that life is too short to worry about how you look to others.
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